My Own Insignificance

Lately I have been on a frustrating quest to find my passion and my purpose in life. This lofty but personal question is something I've found very difficult to answer. I want to know where to put my energy and focus so that I can pursue whatever it is I love to do. Lists full of goals, dreams, weaknesses and interests have brought me no closer to an answer. Often the words of wisdom will ring through my head, "you are not alone, many people before you have gone through the same thing." So where is the manual? Where is the guide that will alleviate this frustration? But I suppose with such a personal inquiry the journey must also be equally as unique.

However, I have the ability to take a step back from my first world problems and examine things from a new perspective. Videos like this one from Neil deGrasse Tyson fascinate me. But, I look at things a bit differently from this brilliant man. While he feels bigger and empowered to know that we are made up of this universe, I enjoy the idea of my insignificance. I like knowing that the problems I am having today or will have in the future are so meaningless when considering the vastness and extent of everything. Not to say our human existence lacks value, but in the grand scheme it is simply a grain of sand amongst all the world's beaches. We give our lives such great importance because its all we know, have known and will ever know. But in terms of the universe humans are but the blink of an eye.

I love to stare into the sky and look at the stars. Think of what has taken place a billion years before and what will come over the next billion years. To even try to comprehend all that is difficult. But when I put myself into that perspective, my life of about a century seems so beautifully unimportant. And based on such an idea I say to myself, if my life is truly insignificant what should I do with my short allowance of time. Often the best answers are: see the small bit of the universe I can reach and help those around me to enjoy their short existence. We live in a beautiful place and it would be a shame to allow relatively new, manmade confines of society prevent me from seeing it with the company I wish to share it.

Economic Hitmen

Over the Loudspeaker

A week ago I wrote about my anxiousness toward my upcoming debut as the Public Address Announcer at the Detroit Tigers spring training. Over the weekend that moment finally came. While I was nervous, I had mentally prepared myself for those first words and once I got those out I could breath again. The experience was amazing. The energy, the response, the game and everything that went along with it. I made only a few mistakes (a lot better than I was expecting) and I received high praise from my bosses and peers.

One person that I was trying greatly not to upset was the official scorer and director of media relations for the tigers. He sits right next to me. Last year he was known to argue with the announcer over his mistakes. So when he gave me what I believe to be a compliment I was somewhat elated. He asked me, "where does that voice come from? You weigh all of 12 pounds." He did also tell me at the end of the game that I'd done a good job.

I am excited to have the opportunity to announce a whole season's worth of games. It will be a long year, but certainly a memorable experience. Luckily, it seems highly unlikely that I will ever tire of baseball.

Witness to a Sad Scene

Earlier today I was running along a paved trail near my house. About two miles into my run something completely unexpected happened. A deer bolted out of the woods to my right about 20 feet in front of me. It ran full speed into Markam Woods Road crossing the first lane but t-boned a car in the second lane. The sound was gut wrenching. The deer was on its side in the middle of the road still moving. Traffic continued to flow by. I was next to a church and found a woman inside and she called 911, but after calling we went out to check and the deer was gone. I continued on my run but my thoughts did not stray far from the shocking event that had just occurred in front of me.

My first thoughts as I continued down the trail were sad. It was horrible to see that happen to an animal. I became upset that things like this probably occur quite often in areas far from here. Humans have and continue to leave such an unnatural footprint on our world. We have created an infrastructure that is geared toward our convenience and our comfort with little thought of the consequences. There may have been a time when people lived harmoniously with all living things in this world, but it seems that now our existence is a detriment to everything that is not human. Not to say that human advancement has not been great, in many regards it has, but I think we've gone too far. In certain areas, especially in my immediate area, there is so much ugliness. Everything is built up with strip malls, parking lots, roads, highways, office buildings, restaurants, etc. Within the last century this area like many others in Florida was probably beautiful with an abundance of nature. I understand the need for cities and non-rural areas, but the urban sprawl covers too much of this marvelous nation. There are so many things humans could be doing better to live symbiotically with the rest of the world, but few remember or realize there is an alternative way of life.

The Internet is a Series of Tubes

Corporations ruin America.

Game One

As of Saturday, February 23, 2013 I am to be employed, at least for the short term, as a Public Address announcer in Lakeland, FL. This fact has occupied my mind quite incessantly for the past few days as my first appearance on the mic is looming. Nervous excitement is the feeling that clouds my daily thoughts as I prepare myself for this new experience. I love baseball, and I follow the Detroit Tigers almost obsessively. So, the fact that I will be calling out the names of those that represent the team I love is both surreal and terrifying.

My mantra during the past few days has been a phrase borrowed from JFK. "The only thing I have to fear, is fear itself". I have come to truly believe these words, if only in the way I apply them to this situation. I am confident in my ability to do my job successfully. And it is in this confidence that I believe the only way I will do poorly is if I allow the nervousness created by my fear of failure to affect my performance. By eliminating fear I feel I eliminate any true probability of failure.

But, as I get closer and my thoughts dwell longer on those first audible words that will introduce myself to a crowd of thousands it is difficult not to become a bit anxious. My goal is to do the job perfectly. I don't know what it is I want to do with my life, but maybe this experience could help guide me to wherever it is I should ultimately end up. Regardless of how Saturday goes or any of the many games to follow, I am unshakably certain I will look back and marvel at the opportunity I have been given.


The great Ernie Harwell inspires me.

Plastic

This video sheds light on an awful problem of which we are all partially at fault.

Happiness

I just watched the President's State of the Union address to congress. My reaction is good, I liked it. I almost always enjoy when the President speaks. However, the cynic in me feels that regardless of his uplifting rhetoric and well thought out plans, there is little hope of intelligent progress. Obviously I am frustrated (like most of the country) with American politics. But that is not the point of this post.

A thought occurred to me about halfway through the speech: I did not recall hearing the word "happiness". I could be wrong, I certainly did not have a copy in front of me and I'll admit there were points when I did not give the President my full attention, but I did watch the speech in its entirety. The problem I had was not the lack of the word itself, but the entire idea of happiness was missing. As a country we are slipping in our rank of nations in terms of happiness (according to Forbes). Currently, the United States is rated 12th. Certainly not a bad mark, but I do not feel the USA is climbing that list but is instead declining. Education, sustainable energy, lower unemployment are all valuable targets to emphasize, but why not explicitly launch an effort to ease the pursuit of happiness. I believe many policies and goals in this nation do facilitate happiness, but I think the USA should be interested in making its citizens happier over wealthier.

The American Dream is not, or at least is no longer, an attempt to secure a happy life, but a hope for capitalistic wealth. That is if the American Dream still exists at all anymore. Many quote the line "money does not buy happiness" and I believe that to be true. On the other side though, a lack of money, at least in this country, is usually a way to prevent happiness. I think we should take a page out of the book of other countries (Norway, Denmark, Sweden, Australia) who are listed as the happiest countries in the world based on a variety of things. Lets not spend so much time trying to be the "best" in the world but instead the happiest.

Knock Knock

Critically Acclaimed

Lately I feel as though there are times when my brain is not functioning altogether. This feeling could be attributed to a great many things, but I will narrow it down to two. The ingestion of contemporary media and the lack of training on proper thinking.

I tend to read fairly heavy literature. Lately, I've been on a classics binge. War & Peace, The Brothers Karamazov, Anna Karenina, etc. All 19th century books, layered with philosophical issues. I read them sometimes with difficulty, other times with ease, but I always make it through (outside of James Joyce's Ulysses). The books spark emotions and harbor deep thoughts that are otherwise untouched in daily life. The words carry an uncanny relevance to today's soceity and those that will come after. And while I grasp some if not most of what the authors are trying to convey, I cannot help but feeling like there are parts I am missing. Connections that are not coming together. I don't know if its that I am searching too hard for deeper meaning or if the teachings I've had did not prepare me to tackle such issues. One thing I know for certain is the way in which we (my generation especially) digest media these days is not helping. It is far too easy to turn my mind off. To look at a screen and simply be entertained. Plot lines of shows are too straightforward, too predictable. There is no room for my own interpretation. Now, this is a general statement, and I realize and recognize when there is media that absolutely challenge their audiences. But for the most part I feel thought provoking media is declining and with little objection from the industry producing it.

My other concern is, regardless of whatever else I consume, what if its a lack of education in the area of thinking and thinking critically that is my constraint. I speak to those with bright minds and years of wisdom and experience and I feel I have gathered insight on my lack there of. When my father speaks of law school or a friend brings up a masters program part of that advanced education is teaching the student how to think. Hearing that in some ways upsets me. Why in undergraduate school was I not being taught how to think? Maybe I should've taken a class in philosophy. I don't know that a higher degree of education would necessarily solve my specific problem of interpreting complex ideas in classic literature, but I certainly think it would help. It bothers me that even though I really enjoy the work of Leo Tolstoy, I could be missing something, regardless of its significance. Although it's possible I'm being a bit too hard on myself. Even scholars who devote their lives to the study of such works probably have to go through it a couple of times before catching everything. And in the end its truly all open to interpretation.

Winning the Lottery

A thought ran across my mind late one night, why is it that many choose to live mundane lives, devoid of adventure and fun. Maybe that is an extreme. Why do people give up doing new and exciting things every day of their lives? The answer is easy: Work. Why? Money. Why? To do those things and have that life they are giving up to go into work. But, its a combination of work and money. To live that life of adventure and discovery one must have money. I say that mostly from observation and not through trial and error. But, it is my belief that most of us, if given the appropriate funds, and the mindset to break out of the social norms would vault into a life of bliss. However, I can only speak for myself. Maybe it isn't that I need money to take that step away from the societal assembly line, but the mindset or the courage of someone willing to risk life.

Instead of taking the giant leap away from everything known there is a baby step that, while it may be but a trick it is at least, in my mind, a step in the right direction. Playing the Lottery. Now, there are those that argue playing the lottery is a waste of money. Statistics show that uneducated play more frequently. The chances are terrible. But, to play one set of numbers once a week for a year totals $52. I can barely fill my tank with that. That's a nice night on the town. A new pair of shoes. The point being, $52 can easily be spent in the course of 24 hours, so how egregious would it be to spend that money over the course of a year? Furthermore, is that small sum not worth even the slightest chance of unlocking a new life unburdened by monetary needs. Now at this point I feel I must state that I do not gamble. I am not writing this to justify a bad habit. But I believe that sacrificing just one meal at a nice restaurant is worth the fraction of a chance at not having to go to work, at least for a while. Because I have lists of things waiting to be done, seen and explored that are hindered only by a price tag. And at worst, at least your losings go to a good cause.